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New Poll: To Return or Not Return the Heelys

Published at 11/27/2007 in Family & Personal and Humor & Comedy. Comments

heelys-red Big discussion the last couple of days about my wife’s and in-laws desire to get my son a pair of Heelys for a birthday/Christmas gift.

My wife knew how I felt about them, even if she didn’t know the exact reasons. I know this because when she let me know she was able to purchase them for $29.99 she prefaced her statement with “Don’t hate me….”.

I immediately responded with a “No. Return them.” In the end my reasoning for him not getting them aren’t the crucial factor here, although I have three reasons. Here’s my defense of my stern decision.

Many times when I’m asked for my opinion on something, my response is “Doesn’t matter” or “I don’t care”. My thought is that I do have a preference, but it’s not important enough for me to get my way to be worthwhile in going through the trouble of arguing or explaining why my preference is what it is.

However, for this one decision, I’ve thrown down this edict and have strongly stated that I do not want my son to have a pair of Heelys. It would be my desire that for no other reason than that I’ve said I don’t want him to have them should be enough for my wife not to question my motives or reasons and just respect my request.

Here’s where you come in.

There’s a new poll up on the site where you can voice your opinion of whether or not my wife should take back the Heelys. Let me know what you think. Feel free to leave additional comments below.

Should my wife return a pair of Heely's she bought for my son when she knew I didn't want him to have them and respect my decision as final?
View Results

By the way. The picture above is the actual style of the pair she bought, but that’s  not one of my three reasons for not wanting him to have them.

UPDATE: I should clarify that the results of the poll aren’t going to change my decision at all.

Most Commented Posts

  • If your son has the same size shoe as me, send them my way - I'll wear them :)

    But... I think she should respect your wishes on this one.
  • Dan
    If she bought the Heely's "purely" - as you say - because she knew you didn't want your son to have them, then the issue is not really the Heely's at all. The Heely's only point to a more important issue. That's the one I would want to work out.
  • I'll go ahead and say "yes" but at the same time, I have to share from personal experience. I remember my parents getting me my first pare of skates, and back in the day, they were the old metal skates you had to adjust with a key and clamp them to the bottom of your shoes. They did help me to roller skate, and I didn't die. I also have to laugh because I remember Jason Bean the child who would have had to have those "Heelys" back in the day when he was a kid.

    Looking at it in all honesty, like with skates, kids just about need knee pads, elbow pads, and head gear to protect themselves. I also understand Jason's concern as a Father who is protective of his children. I remember all the things my Mother said "no" to for me when I was a child, and now that I am older, I am glad I didn't always get everything I thought I wanted, and have seen the hidden blessings of not having everything that I desired.

    I think a compromise might be more in order, such as returning the Heelys for an actual pair of skates the kids could use in a controlled environment where safety can be taken into consideration. Also, sometimes its important to listen to another parents concern if their parental instincts are telling them "no". Intuition can be just a powerful in Fathers as it is Mothers, and we in time, can enjoy the blessing of both perspectives God gives parents.

    It is nice to see two parents who love their children. One who desires to bless the kids with something they may really want, and another who is also concerned for their safety. I hope you all are able to manage a good decision on this one!
  • Steve Barbour
    Jason,

    How many times has your son received presents from your parents, or hers, that you didn't know about and wouldn't approve to have purchased them yourself?

    I voted "no" because I don't have enough info on exacts, ie, does he want a pair of heelys?, did you already tell him he couldn't have heelys?, etc.....

    Just my 2 cents.
  • Yvonne Curtright
    However....grace should cover any and all decisions! Even Jesus when He laid down the law with His disciples and other followers gave reason and did in a loving "not beat you over the head" way. Communication through loving channels in life and ESPECIALLY in marriage is the most important thing we can strive for daily. Praying for you both that this situation will not be made more that a pair of shoes that your son will grow out of in a year. Love you dearly.
  • Cool! People are actually reading and voting. I should clarify some things I guess. My wife didn't purchase the shoes "purely" because I said no, but knew when she purchased them that I probably wouldn't approve. My 5-year old daughter was with her and even said that I didn't want him to have them. Safety isn't a major component of my reasons for not letting him have the shoes. He has asked for them and has wanted a pair since they came out. The reason she purchased them now and not sooner was because they were on sale for $29 instead of $80. My opinion is that I wouldn't want him to have them if they were giving them away free.
  • Jennifer Runals
    If my husband said no he would need to give me a reason (normally 3 good ones!) We have a rule in our house that each of us need to let the other know of any purchase we make above $50 (except for groceries and the like). If safety is not an issue: what's up? I don't like them because I do not believe children are taught how to properly use them (for instance... skating through Wal-Mart).

    Maybe if you told her why you do not like them she could understand your position better. At least go with the old Christian excuse 'They are a sign of the anti-Christ'.
  • Randy Gant
    Count me a bit ol'fashion with respecting your decision an all, however, I consider myself a bit of an expert on parenting...things I learned the hard way. Dr. Dobson
    would bear out some of my bone headed parental decisions. The bottom line is some things are just not worth fighting over...period! And the self awareness and acceptance of your son to his peers is worth considering. I must make full disclosure...my son has Heely's and he has not broken his neck (or anything else for that matter) up to this point. I know if I was his age I would want a pair!
  • Kim Bean
    Okay, in my defense! I didn't purchase these out of total disregard for Jason's wishes. My thought was he felt they were too stupid to spend $80 on, but when I found them on sale, I couldn't fight the urge to purchase something he's been wanting for years. My whole purpose for purchasing these shoes is because for two years, I have told him no, they are way too expensive. I was overjoyed when I did find them at a price I could afford and already anticipated the surprise on his face when he opened them on his 8th birthday. I believe these are not a huge obstacle in our marriage and it has been made out that I totally disrespected Jason's wishes, when that is not at all the case. I just didn't know the reasons for his total hate for these shoes. As a mom, who wants to see her children enjoy their childhood, this is a hard thing for me. I don't want to return them, but out of respect for Jason, I will have to do that.
  • a mom
    If she's the primary caregiver for the child and the one who usually makes these decisions, she's the one who will have to deal with his disappointment day in and day out about the Heely's--and you'll want to make sure she's able to support your decision as she deals with his complaints and begging, etc. If you usually don't express opinions about what she buys or doesn't buy for the children, then she probably views this as her domain and may be confused why you're "interfering" now with the Heely's issue. (Imagine how you'd feel if she suddenly started insisting that you use a particular brand of oil for the vehicles, for example--it'd be rather confusing and almost comical to you.) I agree that better communication is in order: first asking her what she thinks of the Heely's (and really listening!) and second expressing why you're opposed to them (in a loving manner, focused on understanding, not argument). Otherwise, your "decision" seems arbitrary and authoritarian, not as a cooperative parenting effort.
  • This is so fun hearing from everyone on this issue. I should write posts like this more often and e-mail everyone to get their input. Welcome to the world of blogging! I'll have a follow-up post outside of these comments a little later where I'll try and express more of my viewpoint on the situation. Keep the comments and input coming though in the meantime.
  • Brittany
    I do think that she should have talked to you first knowing how you felt about them. I also think though he should be able to have them with rules put into place. Things like he can't wear them to school or church and he needs to be responsible with them. I think Ethan is smart enough to know what he can and can not do while wearing them. If your reasons are just because you are the husband and that is what you say then I don't think those are really good reason, however if it is for the safety of Ethan and things like that then that makes since to me. I would buy them for my 8 year old, but I also would have consulted with Albert first. I think there are negatives on both parts...but like you said you are the parent and your decision is made. They were a good price though! Ethan was fine without them, but I am sure they are fun...I even want a pair.
  • Kimberly
    Jason,
    Are you really trying the "I said so" approach on this. She's your wife not your daughter. It's obvious from Kim's comment that your son would be thrilled to get these. You can teach him when and how to use them. If Kim thought you didn't like them solely because they were too expensive then why wouldn't she have purchased them when she found them on sale? (although I found them for $20, and yes, my daughter's getting a pair for Christmas thanks to Aunt Jenny)

    It seems to me that you're being a bit stubborn about this. If this is something that would make him really happy then why not? Isn't that what we try to do in giving gifts? Get them something they will really like. It's not like he's asking for a tattoo...at least not yet. How does what you think get to totally overide what Kim thinks? Is there no compromise?

    Kim,
    Unless he gives you a really good reason, keep them. Or you can always give them to your parents to give to him at Christmas. :o)
  • Kevin
    Jason,

    I would drop this one like a hot potato. It doesn't seem worth the disappointment to your son. It especially doesn't seem worth it to deny your wife the priveledge of purchasing and associated disappointment she would have. Keep in my mind, my wife wears the pants, shoes, etc in my house.
  • Keith
    Okay. Here's the thing. I hesitate to say flatly that she should return the shoes based soley on Jason's insistence. The reason being that I know first hand how difficult it is to say no to my kids over and over because things are beyond reach financially. On the other hand, my wife and I usually discuss these types of purchases, both for monetary reasons and to make sure we are on the same page. We don't always agree, and in the end somebody's decision is going to be the official one. She often defers to my wishes, but she has been known to decide I'm just plain wrong and move on her own. The main thing is that we each communicate our side (though this is not always as successful as it sounds). When all is said and done, a clearer picture of why he desires not to purchase the shoes for his son would make things easier. Can I be any more wishy washy?
  • Jenn
    First of all, how fun that you are so open to share this situation with all of us through your blog...and how good of Kim to not mind it either! :) With that said, I will give you my completely honest feedback on the situation, as it sounds like that's what you're requesting.

    Based on the info given, I'd say she shouldn't have to return the shoes. It sounds like she was not ever clear about your reasons in the first place, and finding them on-sale, she genuinely thought she was in the clear to buy them. (Since she stated she thought the high price was your reason.) I'm not saying that either one of your are at fault. It's just this is where clear communication is needed from the get-go. If any spouse has a strong opinion on something, explain it to the other spouse in a way to bridge mutual understanding, not to only "throw down an edict." In the meantime, because of a communication issue, it sounds like your son may have to pay for it by losing the shoes... which is why I say let him keep them this time. If you both do decide to return them, I'd take the time to explain it to your son (after explaining your reasoning to your wife too). I remember it was those "because-I-said-so's" that made me feel slightly rebellious as a child. :) Good luck and take care!
  • Tiffani
    You are only a child once and the memories you make as a child will last a life time. I think parents need to think
    twice before they say no to the small stuff and remember what it was like to be a kid. There is a reason why children have a mom and a dad. Moms tend to say yes and dads tend to say no. It is a balancing act, kids need to be told no for some things, but in this case, Ethan has been wanting Heelys for 2 years and his joy and excitment will far outway the reasons why dad is saying no. I would have done the exact same thing!
    Take care!
    Tiffani
  • Dan Harrison
    When there is polarizing dissent in our marriage, my wife and I observe a policy that we set before we ever said "I do". We agreed that if the husband is the head of the home as Christ is the head of the husband, then all final decisions (and any resultant consequences) rest on me. There are very few times when we can not come to an agreement. When we can not, however, my wife defers to me.
    This is a system which works well only if the husband consistently acts in a sacrificial and unselfish manner toward his family. Should the shoes be returned? They should; and whether or not every thought Jason had when banning them was thoroughly explained is irrelevant. He said no, and that ought to be sufficient to eliminate the "easier to ask forgiveness than permission approach." Kim speaks well for herself when she states that out of respect for her husband, not out of being fully persuaded regarding his reasons, she will return the Heelys. This is a woman to be respected.
    My wife adds the following:
    Why are you "polling" us? You are the man of the house and have the authority as such. Your wife clearly loves and respects you even when you are not in agreement; so that is all the affirmation you need in this decision. If you desire advice, seek wiser counsel than is normally found from we internet amateurs.
  • #1 Beaner Fan
    This is an outrage! Who would dare go against "The Beaner's" Wishes?? Kim, your a lovely woman - a devoted wife and a great mother...but were talking about your man's A-Thor-it-T here! Please take back the shoes! I'm begging you. For the love of The Beaner, "Take Back the Shoes!!!" Thank you.
  • Kim Bean
    Just for any clarification! Jason and I are fine and this didn't end up in a huge battle. We had a calm and cool discussion. I have no hurt feelings and really do respect the wishes of my husband.

    This poll was my suggestion, merely as a joke at first, that the one with the higest amount of votes wins, but it turned in to really hear what others had to say about the situation.

    I think the reasoning behind this blog post may have been unclear, especially to some of my friends, but it wasn't to post and headline that we had a disagreement. We settled things before this was even posted.

    Thanks for your input!
  • Chris
    I think there's been sufficient downloading of opinions here, but I don't want to be left out!

    Don't return. I think my lil' bro has to chalk this one up as a vague-communication-lesson learned. And as many times as we griped about Dad saying "because I said so!" That just wouldn't fly at my house...and my bride is a veritable Proverbs 31 girl.

    It has been fun to eavesdrop on all the conversation. Now I'm off to buy MYSELF a pair of Heely's at that price!!
  • Steven Sylce
    God calls for the husband to be the leader of his home. Wise leadership seeks Godly council and God has given us wives to help us in those ways. We should strongly consider our wives opinions in the decisions we make and include them in that process. Ultimately the decisions is the husbands and out of respect the wife should submit, knowing that the Lord, who is the head of the husband, will make the final adjustments to a bad call.
  • Tiffany
    Wow, I can't believe how many friends you guys have! My eyes hurt from reading all of the comments on this blog. You are both so blessed to have so many friends that care about the small things in your family life. I don't have a preference on whether or not you return the shoes. All I know is that I always try to respect my husbands wishes, but I have an eye for a bargain. Sounds like Kim found a good deal; so you need a real reason for her to return the shoes. I do see posture issues..could that be the problem? If this is just a respect my wishes kind of thing, perhaps choosing battles wisely would be better advice. Have a great holiday.
  • a wife
    Here is a disscussion....buying a car with bad communication. That is something my husband and I are familiar with. We kept the car, but there wasn't a winner or a loser. We did get a great deal in the end...which was my reasoning, but there was some real bad communication on our part. I believe the man is the head of the house, but stubborness can never be part of that man when coming to decisions. Heely's don't compare to cars however the moral of the story does. COMMUNICATION IS ALWAYS KEY TO A MARRIAGE. I think your little boy should keep those shoes. What harm can it cause. Kim will be put in a situation that would probably be with her for a while. At least she didn't go out and get a car under the impression that you would be fine with and found out you weren't. KEEP THE SHOES.....KEEP THE SHOES!!!!
  • The Todd
    Can you find them in a size 13 (mens)?

    God, I love being single.
  • Ryan
    Welcome to the "Mean old Dad" club! Heelys aren't allowed at school, they don't work well on carpet, grass or concrete (unless your being pulled by something). They really only work well on very smooth surfaces like in shopping centers. How much time does Ethan spend shopping? No, using logic like this doesn't work for me either.
  • Larry Barbour
    The old thinking that the man of the house is boss is what this is all about. In my opinion, there are those husbands who admit that their wife is the boss and there are those husbands who lie about it and say they are the boss! Just kidding - or am I?
    Things like this should be worked out together and a joint decision made. I voted "no".
  • Larry Barbour
    It's O.K.
  • Milt
    WOW! Opinions-a-plenty. I best bite my tounge. There are way too many touchy issues being tossed about. But to keep things fun, keep the shoes and watch Ethans eye light up. Nothing is better than happiness on child's face.
  • Rossimo
    "I should clarify that the results of the poll aren?t going to change my decision at all."

    ...I would like this fifteen minutes of my life back.
  • For anyone interested and/or that subscribed to these comments; I've posted my follow-up to this post on the site now. You can find it here http://www.bnpositive.com/blog/2007/11/30/the-h...
  • Brian Mayo
    I think the only way to settle this would be for Jason and Kim to both buy a pair and have a no holds barred, winner take all, Heely race. We could have it on Sunday right after Pastor Scott's sermon--we'll rearrange the chairs into a figure 8 and the first to complete 99 laps wins. I'll see if I can get Tom Carnegie out of retirement to gives us commentary during the race.

    Lady and Gentleman, start your Heelys!!!!!!!
  • Okay, I'm a little late but I gotta say that I really hate Heely shoes. They are annoying, discourage walking, are dangerous and I've been pushed twice by kids wearing them and I 4-year-old almost got run over. I asked my 10-year-old son what he thought and he agreed.

    It *is* however, a matter of taste and depends on the child. If your son is super responsible and respectful of others in person, maybe he won't be a menace on wheels... :)
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